Rocking My Baby

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow,

for children grow up we've learned to our sorrow.

So settle down cobwebs - dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby

and babies don't keep.

-Ruth H. Hamilton

Moments With Miles

Every day there is a time that Miles likes to be walked around.

You can't sit, 

you can't rock him,

he doesn't want to be in the swing,

you just need to walk.

We call this the "Walking Hour".

A few nights ago the walking hour came at 3:30 a.m..

I was so tired and really not in the mood to be pacing around my house and started to feel frustrated.

That was until I looked down at my sweet baby in my arms and was overwhelmed with gratitude.

So I thought in my head

"Thank you for being awake.

Thank you for waking me up as well.

Thank you for wanting to be held.

Thank you for breathing.

Thank you for being healthy.

Thank you for being in my life."

How grateful I am to have a beautiful, healthy baby given to me to love and take care of on the Earth.  

I would pace my house all day for that boy 

(and some days it feels like I do).

David Miles Bahr: A Birth Story

Miles' birth was the best, most uneventful birth I've ever had.
Compared to Hadlie's it was just what I was hoping for!!

On Monday (May 13, 2013) evening after my first appointment with my new OB,
because my lovely doctor was out of town,
(awesome.)
we went down to labor and delivery to schedule my induction date.

As the nurse was scheduling it she called over to another nurse saying
"Ok, you're going to have 3 C-Sections, 2 elective inductions and a medically necessary induction (me) on Friday morning.  Are you ready for that?"  *Ha, ha, ha.*

I've never been induced but I've heard of people getting bumped because there were too many other people getting induced or having babies and I didn't want that to happen to me.
So I leaned over the counter and told the nurse that was going to be there on Friday
"I'll bring you muffins if you get me in first!"

She laughed and told me that my doctor ordered the induction so I was going to get in first no matter what.
Score!!

So on Friday morning I called the hospital and they told me to come right down.
I called my Mother-in-law, Tammy, and she was at our house with in 15 minutes.

We got to the hospital around 7:45am.
They started me on Pitocin around 8:00am.
The doctor broke my water around 8:10am
and the epidural was started at 10:30am.

I would have held out longer on the epidural because I really wasn't in a lot of pain but there were a lot of C-Sections that day (I ended up being 1 of 15 girls to have a baby that weekend and I was the ONLY one that had a natural birth!) and I didn't want to get to the point of serious pain and have the anesthesiologist unable to get to me in time.

Also, a side note of the breaking of my water:
My nurse was literally giggling over the amount of water I had!
She said I broke the record for the most amniotic fluid she's ever seen.  Funny to her sure, but I just felt like I was peeing my pants for a good 2 hours.  Not awesome.
My nurse (and David agrees) said I probably lost a good 15 pounds in water that morning.

Besides that things were pretty slow for a little while,
David and I hung out,
we updated his mom on how I was progressing,
I joked and talked with my amazing delivery nurse,
nice and uneventful.

Around 12:00pm my nurse checked me and said I was at 6cm and would probably be pushing around 4:00pm that afternoon.

At 1:45pm, Dave was playing a game on his phone and I told him if he wanted to get any lunch he had to do it now because I felt like after 2:00pm things were going to go really fast.

He said "OK" and then didn't go anywhere.
I repeated myself and told him he should probably go now.
No movement.
Finally I whispered "Why are you still here???"

So he got up and grabbed his keys.
This made me really anxious.

Me: "Why do you have your keys? Aren't you just going to the cafeteria?"
Dave: "It's just as far to the restaurants as it is to the cafeteria."
Me:  "OK... but you only have 15 minutes.  You have to be back here by 2:00."
Dave: "OK."

He left for lunch.
My nurse left for lunch.

I started to feel a LOT of pressure.

After a few minutes I was about to ring for a nurse when my nurse came in.  I told her I was feeling pressure so she leaned my bed back and checked my progress.

Next thing I know she locked eyes with me, her's being big with surprise, and said
"You're good to go!"

Head down, feet up, nurse still in the process of checking me I grab my phone to call David.
He didn't answer.
I called again.
He didn't answer.
Almost in tears, I call again (3 calls in a row is our emergency code and means you HAVE to pick up no matter what).
He answers.

I tell him I'm at 10cm and he needs to back RIGHT NOW!!
I hang up and look at the clock.
It was just minutes after 2:00pm.
Was I right or was I right?!  Ha ha!

David got back to the hospital in 5 minutes.
The doctor on the other hand took his sweet time and didn't get there for another 30 minutes!!

Ugh!!

While we were waiting my nurse had me do a "practice push" to make sure I knew what I was doing.
That was laughable.
In a count from 1-10 she got to 2 before she yelled
"STOP PUSHING!  STOP PUSHING!" 
Yeah, I knew what I was doing.
The baby had moved so far down she told David
"If you look right now you can see the head."
His response?
"Yeah, I'm good."

I was starting to get really nervous not having the doctor there yet and being so close to delivery because of all the complications we had with Hadlie.  I even asked the nurse if she had ever delivered a baby.  She said no, which didn't help me feel any better.

When he finally showed up I instantly felt calm.
He talked to me about what the plan was
("push once, make a little room if needed depending on the size of the baby, one more push, then he should be out")
and that was exactly what happened.

At 2:37pm David Miles Bahr was born.

It was the fastest, easiest delivery I've ever had!
The doctor laid Miles on my stomach and said to me "That's a big baby!"

Miles cried for a moment and then stopped.
He laid on my stomach, his little back towards me, and was just so calm.
I had decided to do a delayed cord clamp, which was why he wasn't facing me, and it was really hard not to see his face right away.
After a while I ended up asking the nurses if he was OK because he wasn't crying.
They said he was fine but they needed him to cry to clear out his lungs.

Four minutes later the doctor announced that my placenta had disconnected from my uterus and I was loosing a lot of blood.  He asked if we could cut the cord now instead of waiting for it to stop pulsing because the baby and I could start loosing too much blood.

David cut the cord.
Miles cried.
They put him on my chest and he calmed right down again.
I had the nurses rub the Vernix in instead of rub it off and so far he's had the best, softest skin out of all of my babies.

There was a lot of commotion in my room
(the nurses were practically placing bets)
on how big Miles was.

After too short of a time a nurse asked if she could take him over to the bed to be weighed and tested.
A little bit later I heard her call out "4480 mg"
My nurse that was next to me laughed and yelled "Say it in pounds!  Say it in pounds!"
The other nurse yelled back "9 pounds 14 ounces!!"

The whole room exploded in laughter.
I laughed and looked at David, whose eyes were wide, I'm assuming, in disbelief.

Yes, my easiest, most uneventful labor and delivery was for a baby that was MUCH bigger than I had expected!

After the nurse finished what she was doing with Miles (with only a few cries from him) and wrapped him up, she handed him back to me.

He didn't cry again until early morning on Saturday.
He was just so chill.
The nurses were actually talking about it to each other during our stay at the hospital.

He started to get a little bit of a reputation as the cutest, biggest, calmest baby with the most hair they had that weekend.

It was fun to have a new nurse come in and say "Oh I've heard all about little Miles" before I even told her what his name was!

My recovery at the hospital was easy, my recovery at home was good but slow.
I'm so grateful for my mother-in-law and husband that took such good care of me, I really don't know how I could have managed without them!

I can't imagine my life or our family without our baby Miles now.
He is the sweetest, calmest, happiest little guy around and I just love him to pieces!

David Miles Bahr
9lb 14oz

22" long

May 17, 2:37pm

Blog Posts? What Blog Posts???

Did  you know that life with THREE children is really hard?
Like, I take a 10 minute shower now and pray the baby is still sleeping when I get out so I can have the luxury of drying off too kind of hard?

So I will attempt to update my blog with the sweetness that is Baby Miles as much as I can
(because it is my family journal as well as being a super fun blog)
but it is a low priority right now.

But I will leave you all with this little gem:

Updates

Sorry to anyone that has been wondering what happened at our appointment.

First Update:

The Perinatologist checked our baby out and determined he was big but that it wasn't necessary to move my due date up or induce me on April 26th.

Also, no C-Section!  
Woo!!!
He said that he would like to induce me at 39 weeks to try to reduce the risk or complications during delivery.

I do have to go back and see him this Friday to make sure that our baby isn't gaining too much weight and that the doctor's opinion is still the same.

Second Update:

False alarms suck.

I'm sure anyone that's had one was already aware of that but I just needed to put it out there.

Yesterday I was having painful (but not seriously painful) contractions every 2 minutes for an hour.
I told David I was fine but he was nervous and we decided it's better to be safe than sorry.

So we called my mother-in-law, Tammy, and headed up to the hospital.

They told me almost immediately that I was not in active labor and would be going home.
Lame.

I still had to hang out on the monitors to be sure for a good hour or so though,
all while I was still having contractions.

I was told by the nurse that I had an irritable uterus
(I like to refer to it as "cranky")
and that although I was contracting and they were painful they weren't strong enough to make me progress.

I was also told that I could be doing this for a week or so until I delivered.
Double lame.

I felt really stupid because this is my third pregnancy - I should know when it's time to go in right?
Oh well, at least we weren't the couple that delivered their baby on the side of the highway.

That really happened yesterday.
We had a bunch of friends asking if it was us. Ha ha!

Pregnancy

First off, I'd like to say just how grateful I am to be able to be pregnant.
I know it's a blessing that not all are able to experience.

As rewarding and wonderful as it is - for me - this pregnancy has been hard.
And frustrating.
And I guess not just for me but for my whole family.

I started out being so much more sick then with either of my other pregnancies,
by 7pm every night I was so over with the day that I would pass out on the couch then retire to my bed for the rest of the night after I "helped" get the kids ready for bed.

I say "helped" because I'm pretty sure David did a lot of it - well, a lot of everything - during that time.
Some nights I would go to bed and not be able to sleep but just lie in the dark with a cold pack on my head because I had such terrible migraines.

I hated eating but had to eat almost constantly to keep something in my stomach or the nausea would feel unbearable.

The "first trimester morning sickness" stage lasted well into my second trimester, but around my 20th week I was having more good days then bad.

I had a good month or so where I felt happy and energetic.
I tried to spend time with my kiddos because I felt I had neglected them so much (i.e. let them eat cereal for lunch and dinner and watch waaaaaay too much tv) during the beginning of my pregnancy.

Through all of this muck I was grateful to not be having any complications in my pregnancy and that my baby was healthy and developing well.

Not that that stopped me from worrying.
I don't know if I've ever felt more anxious in my life.
Over anything and everything!

There were nights that I would lay in bed, unable to sleep, worrying that something terrible was going to happen.
I had one night that I was so sure something bad was going to happen to Jett I had to cuddle with him in his bed and just listen to him breathe for a good half hour before I was calm enough to fall asleep in my own bed.

Good things were happening all around me but for some reason I choose to see and dwell on the terrible "what ifs" that I had created in my head.

One day a friend of mine called and we talked about anxiety and the Holy Spirit.
I had told her that I wasn't sure if it was the Spirit warning me or me being crazy.
She brought up her favorite scripture (which happens to be one of mine as well):

2 Timothy 1:7
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

It reminded me that if I am fearful and confused at how I am feeling it is my anxiety taking control and it is not a feeling or warning from my Heavenly Father.

Since then I've been able to be calmer and less worried.
She has no idea but that phone call was such a blessing!

After a few weeks of feeling great I started my third and final trimester.
I was in the home stretch!
And I was feeling it.

I needed to slow down but felt like I still needed to catch up on everything I had been slacking on for the last 6 months.
I would push myself too hard and feel like a failure when I didn't check off all 20 things on my daily "to do" list.
This made for a very cranky Katie.

Finally one night I broke down.
I usually have one good breakdown every pregnancy and this one had been a long time coming.

I cried
(to be honest I sobbed to the point of hyperventilation)
to David that I didn't feel like myself.
I hated the way I snapped at him and the kids.
I hated the way it made their faces look and how it hurt their feelings.
I felt like a terrible person.
I hated not being happy.
I felt like I was giving 120% but it looked closer to normal Katie's 40%.
I felt so depressed and unappreciated.

And being the amazing husband he is
(I don't know how I got so lucky)
instead of agreeing and telling me what a jerk I've been he held me and apologized for not helping more - even though he has been so helpful this entire time.

He reminded me that I was 8 months pregnant and I needed to slow down.

I took his advice and have slowed way down.
And I have been happier and more like myself then I think I've been since the early weeks of my pregnancy.

Sometimes it takes the one you love to tell you what you already knew for it to sink it.

All through this my baby has still been healthy and I would soon find out growing maybe a little too much!

I started measuring a week or so big at my doctor's appointments.
With the history I had of Hadlie's birth
(2 weeks early and 9lbs - with scary complications during delivery)
my doctor scheduled an ultrasound to check the growth and weight of the baby.

A week later I had my ultrasound and was told that my baby was showing developmentally 2 weeks ahead of my due date and weighing in at 5 pounds 6 ounces!
(Babies at that gestation are usually around 3.5 pounds)
At my next doctor's appointment my doctor moved up my due date 2 weeks
from May 24th to May 10th
but informed me that she also wanted to induce me 2 weeks before that.
April 26th.
Two and a half weeks away.

I was worried that the ultrasound could be wrong.
I didn't want my baby born prematurely.
I felt extremely overwhelmed and ended up crying in the grocery store while on the phone with my best friend.

My doctor had to get the OK from the hospital to move my due date up and schedule an induction that early and when I finally heard back from her the situation became a little more messy.

The hospital did not agree with my doctor and instead suggested I wait until the week before the 24th and get a C-Section.
Something I am very against (for myself) unless it is a life or death situation.
My doctor, being my advocate and just wonderful in general, argued with them and assured them that it was necessary.
The Perinatologist at the hospital agreed to see me, have his own ultrasound and look over my medical records.

I go in tomorrow.

I'm excited and nervous to see what he has to say.
Especially since I've been reading articles and educating myself on all of the complications I had during delivery last time, and the complications and reasoning behind C-Sections.

Instead of feeling anxious without any control I feel that I still have power,
which I should, because this is
my baby and my body.

So we'll see how it all turns out.
Hopefully I'll know tomorrow exactly how far along I am at least.

Still through all of this my baby has been healthy and my annoyances of pregnancy minimal.

I am exited to meet my beautiful baby and know that sooner or later he will come and his little spirit will be such a blessing in our home.

Big Goal

Today was the Jett's first soccer game of the spring season.

He was totally geared up and ready to kick some trash on the field.
He had his game face on.
He was focused.
He wanted to get the ball in that goal.

And he totally did.

It was the second half,
he got the ball and took off running with it.

No one could stop him.

He kicked it hard into the goal.

When it went in he immediately turned and caught my eye.
He gave me two big thumbs up and had the biggest smile on his face.

I gave him thumbs up back and cheered for him.

There was no way I was going to be the one to tell him he just scored for the other team.

When he ran up for his high-fives from us David told him what happened.
He laughed and said "Oh man!"

I told him we were still proud of him and that it was funny.
He was still proud of himself and ran out in good spirits.

I feel like that was the biggest victory of the game.

Especially since we lost 5-0.

Out of the Mouth of My Babes

While getting the kids ready for bed David told me that he'd been telling Jett that he's (meaning Jett) going to have to help prepare me for when he goes to kindergarten.

Me: "Well, I think you should just stay my little buddy forever and not grow up."
Jett:  "I can't always be your little buddy, but I'll always be your buddy."

Oh yeah, I totally teared up.

Baby Boy

I had to get another ultrasound at my 20 week mark to check for brain, heart and other development that they weren't able to see yet at 17 weeks.

It was fun to be able to see him again 

(and double check just one more time that it was still a boy)

and fall even more in love.

(20 weeks 4 days)

Boy or Girl???

I asked my doctor if there was any way that I could schedule my ultrasound a few weeks early to find out the gender before Christmas.

I hate finding out from other people important stuff like this in a text so I thought what a perfect timing since we'd all be together for the holidays!

She Ok'ed it so a few short weeks later David, the kids and I were off to the doctor's together!

 

(Baby at 17 weeks)

I was pretty confident I knew what the ultrasound tech was going to say regarding the gender but we ended up being thrown for a bit of a loop!

 A GIRL?!?!?! 

I looked over at David and kind of laughed like "oops!" then I asked the tech to double check.

Looks like I was right!

When they double checked it only took a few seconds for the tech to say "Oh! Yeah, there's something poking out there!"

Luckily it was a boy part and not a third leg!

Since my in-laws (Katie) are really sneaky and can't wait for anyone to tell them something on their own it was really hard to keep the fact that I had found out already a secret.

I managed to throw off my mother-in-law, Tammy, but I knew Katie knew I was up to something.
She's too good at reading me and sometimes that fact alone makes me glad she lives so far away!

So I decided to try my hand at being tricky.

First I got Christmas cards for everyone.
Next I printed out the ultrasound shot saying the baby was a girl and made sure to slip it in the front of the envelope so it was the first thing they'd see when the envelope was opened.

I made sure to write something sweet on the inside top flap to all the girls of the family because I love them all so much,

but I was also trying to distract them from the bottom flap where I placed this picture (with a cute little blue bow tie glued on)

along with "GOTCHYA! IT'S A BOY!!" written under the picture.

I handed out the cards on Christmas Day like no big deal,
making sure not to hang around like a creeper while everyone opened them.

It was SO fun to watch everyone (one by one) open their card, look super confused then yell with excitement!

Did I mention that this is the 10th grandbaby and he will only be the THIRD boy?
So everyone was secretly - or not so secretly in some cases - hoping for a boy.

Katie even told me she was thinking earlier that week "You know, Katie Ann has never 'gotten me' before" then she said "but THAT GOT ME!"

YES!!  Mission accomplished!

I really love my family and had such a fun time telling them such big news in such a fun way.
I'm grateful for their love and support in everything David and I do and can't wait to meet my little BOY!

Winter Fun

Left to run errands while Dave and the kids were playing outside...

 Came home a few hours to this...

Don't worry about him being in the middle of the cul de sac, Dave and Zac made sure to put a safety flag in the snowman's hand.  

Birthday Boy!

Oh my word.

It can't be possible!

Months ago you asked if I would cry when you turned 5.

You already know me too well.

You are so big!

This year you started soccer. 

On a team.

With other kids!

You are in your last year of preschool 

and already reading.

You love to learn!

You still have a contagious laugh - that I hope you never ever grow out of.

You are kind, caring, and love to help others.

You also love to be the boss.

You're going to be such a big help to me when this baby comes!

You are my buddy and I love spending time with you.

You know just what to do to cheer me up if I'm ever down or cranky.

I love to watch you grow and progress.  

I love when you do something new and feel proud of yourself.

Mostly though, I just really love you!

I couldn't imagine my life without you. 

You are the best little boy a mom could ask for!

Happy Birthday to my FIVE year old!!!

Birthday Girl!

I can't believe you are THREE years old Hadlie!

You are so wonderful and sweet.

You brighten our days.

You are always a joy to be around!

Hadlie, this year has flown by!

You have grown so much and are so independent, 

but thankfully you still love to be snuggled and spend special time with Mom and Dad.

You've also grown into quite a "daddy's girl".  

You hate when he leaves for work and ask about him all day till he's home.

You know mostly all of your numbers and letters and are starting to learn the letter sounds and a few sight words.

We learned this year that you are for sure left handed.

I was worried at first that it would be harder for you in school but after talking with other left handed people and having my worries put to rest I've come to love that it makes you just that much more unique. 

You are eager to learn and grow and are so brave in doing so.

It's so rare that you ever need a time out.

Your fits are laughable because they are so tame.

People tell me all the time how sweet and soft spoken you are.

Other people tell me that your voice is so soft they can almost never hear you.

I think it's adorable and feminine.

There are so many wonderful things about you I could go on forever.

I can't wait to see what this next year holds.

I'm excited to see you as a big sister to the new baby and watch as you grow and progress even more.

We love you so much!

Daddy Moments

It's really important to teach your children when they are young.
Apparently even if you're teaching them about football...

Baby Bahr

The Dirty Dash

This is me.

7 weeks pregnant.

On the "Slop and Slide" at the Dirty Dash.

It was awesome!!

I cannon-balled into a pit of mud that I found out too late was up to my NECK!

I  wrestled my friends in disgusting mud

that was Fa-REE-zing!

I was hosed off by some kid that was enjoying his job way too much!

And I probably laughed for a good 3 hours straight! 

Oh, and then I showered

twice.

I love these girls and can't wait to do it again next year!!

Luggage For Lost Children

A few years ago I put together a (super) small charity that consists of me and whoever will help me called Luggage For Lost Children.

Here is one of the reasons why I do this:

If you have ever seen a child who has been taken into foster care carrying all their belonging from place to place, you probably noticed that their suitcase is usually a GARBAGE BAG.  Their world has been turned upside down and they drag around what they have left in a GARBAGE BAG, probably a visual expression of exactly how they feel about themselves.

The State of Utah averages 2700 foster children (children in custody) at any given time, with 1200 new kids coming in each year.

My goal is to eliminate GARBAGE BAGS as an acceptable form of luggage for these children whose lives have been disrupted.  If we all pull together we can reach this goal.

(^^ That is from my flyer that is given to businesses and church organizations)

I was never in the foster care system but I did go from home to home as a teenager

and I did put the majority of my things in garbage bags

and it did kind of make me feel like crap.

I can only imagine what these kids are feeling as,
in a matter of moments,
all they know has been taken away 

or is changing yet again.

The first time I put together the luggage drive we were able to donate over 100 pieces of luggage to the Utah Foster Care Foundation. 

It was an amazing feeling.

The duffle bags and backpacks were given to the Social Workers to take with them when they need to remove a child out of a home.  

Thus eliminating garbage bags as luggage - at least for that child.

The bigger bags (roll alongs, suitcases, etc) were given to children already in foster care to use if or when they need to move to another foster home.

These bags were theirs to keep.

Which may seem small, but it gives them a feeling of power.

It was something that was theirs and no one could take it away.

That is a really good thing.

This year we were able to double the amount of luggage from the first year and donated 

over 200 pieces of luggage
to the Utah Foster Care Foundation!

As I was counting up the bags trying to figure out how to get them to the Foundation's office I was overcome with gratitude and love for all that helped and for the children and teens that they were being given to. 

I had no choice but to bow down on my garage floor and say a prayer to my Father in Heaven for all of His help in my efforts with the luggage drive.  

This year we had two wards (churches) donate, 

along with Addyson, a 2nd grader from my neighborhood, that took the cause to her Charter school and got 30 bags donated from classmates,

and the International Luggage Company of North Salt Lake, Utah  that donated over 100 pieces of luggage!

 We had to have TWO pick up trucks to deliver all of the luggage!!  

Addyson and her mom came with to help out when we donated all the bags so I called ahead to see if there was anything special that they could do for her.

I was grateful to be a part of this once again and can't wait to do it bigger and better in the future!

Side note: I also got a call from a local new station that wanted to be there but didn't make it in time and wants to be a part of the luggage drive next time it's done.  That was kind of cool.